Dreams and Miracles

"The Lord blesses the dreams of His children. So dream your dreams little faithful dreamers. :)
I'm dreaming my dreams." tweeted this last November 8.

Dreams. Someone told me to just dream my dreams. And I did. But after, it broke my heart. Because I know that that dream will never come true. I was trying to understand why do people still encourage others to dream? Dreams are our futile attempts of making the impossible real. Dreams are bound to be dreams, nothing more. Or I guess I was trapped by my own concept of dream.

I attended Makati Feast on the first Thursday of October. At the end of the session, the first timers were gathered and was given this little Novemna to God's Love. Then inside, we were asked to write 7 of our dreams. They wanted us to be specific and that the dreams are time-bound, like find a job before the year ends. And also, we were reminded to dream big yet not to be arrogant with what we write. Dream something that seems impossible now but is possible to happen. It was that simple reminder that made me realize what I thought was a dream is actually an illusion, a fantasy. Because from the start I knew that my "dream" wasn't attainable. Dreams should never be equated to fantasies.

So now, I started dreaming my dreams. I mentioned earlier about my plans of putting up my own business. However, I need to move, work and look for resources (capital) for it to materialize.

Another dream of mine is to be a pre-school teacher. I love kids. Their innocence is a gift. And they're just plain cute even if they're annoying. I tried looking for a good school to enroll. In one of the schools, I was advised to enroll next summer since the second semester has already started. I took it as a sign because I'm having troubles with work (more on workload). Nevertheless, I'm excited! Especially since friends started calling me Teacher Rica. Does it suit me? I hope so. I'm praying for it to happen. I'm going to be a good teacher to the kids.

And if you have a dream? Don't be scared to share it. A new friend told me about the "Power of Tongue". It's the opposite of "jinx". Power of tongue works this way, let the whole world hear it and pray for you. Share your dreams. I'm willing to listen. :)

Miracle. How do you face another case of cancer in your family? The man behind the name, "Rica Gran", is currently sick. Tatay Makati (he lives in that city) or Lolo-Techy (a certified computer geek) has a tumor inside his tummy. Too much worrying didn't help me either. I got sick, hence, Mama stayed at home instead of being with him.

Lolo if you're reading this, I hate you for taking your health for granted. But for everything else, I love you. And this offsets the hate I feel towards you. I'm amazed at how strong you are in facing this. With your courage and happy disposition, you continue to inspire everyone around you. We'll always be here for you, no matter what. "Too much", please be well.

To everyone else, kindly include my lolo in your prayers. I pray also that the Lord may heal you from any forms of pain you are experiencing, may it be physically, emotionally and spiritually. Let the Almighty Healer touch and heal you.

~ dreaming to be healed, Rica Gran

99 Days Before Christmas

It's been a while since I smiled this much. I knew in my heart that my birth month was going to be beautiful. But truth be told, it was more than I expected it to be. (This is going to be a very long entry.)

Just like in every person's birthday, the celebrant gets to wish something for his/her birthday. I only had one wish... I want to be happy. But happiness won't come to me gift-wrapped and all, I have to work for it. I then staring re-assessing my current state. Why do I want to be happy? Am I not happy enough with what I have? Where should I start? What should I do? Who do I turn to? As you can I see I did a lot of questioning. Not all were directly answered but I knew I needed to do something. I needed to move.

"You may be currently in your valley of tears but do not make it your permanent residence." -Randy of Makati Feast

Move. I was stagnant for the past few months. I thought that I deserve where I was. Always looking behind and never to move forward. Or maybe it was more of scared to move forward. I knew I didn't want to let go of the things that gave meaning to my life. I didn't want to forget. But eventually, I figured that no one told me that I have to totally let go or forget about everything. My past is part of me but it does not mean I should stay there and let it define me. I can still grow as a person and in order to grow, I need to move.

(a) I finally opened my own time deposit account! Just now? It's because I actually have no idea where to invest my money. So even if it's just a TD account, I'm still proud of myself. If you know a good business where I can invest or seminars about stocks, trust or funds which I can attend, just let me know. PS. No pyramid scams please.

"When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality."- Dom Helder Camara

Dream. When you have a supportive family like mine, you can't help but get excited for your future as well. I've been very vocal to my parents about my business proposal way back in high school. Dreams aren't supposed to be dreams forever. And so I started telling them about my plans of putting up my own coffee shop. On our way home from work, Papa and I would discuss the essential things we need to consider for the business. It's good to have someone to remind you of reality when you're being to idealistic. Thanks, Papa.

(b) Parents and I went to the Food Expo last Sept 10. I'm so grateful they brought me there. It felt like I'm one step closer to my dreams. I had a plastic full of flyers, brochures with quotations of equipments, supplies and raw materials. I got so excited that I bought a binder and notebook for all my stuff. I haven't started fixing it though. But I promise to work on it before the month (October) ends.

Color. I've been getting comments that I always wear black or dark colors. I have reasons why I wear black all the time. Colored dresses attract a lot of attention. And my normal mood won't suit if I were pastel colors. And yet I got bothered after opening my closet, almost half of my clothes were either black, brown or gray.

(c) I did a bold move last August. I bought 3 colorful, floral dresses from this really nice boutique. I was like Mama's walking doll. Changing from one dress to another, God knows how tiring that was. So happy to have a mother who doesn't give up on me that easily.

21 years old at 99 Days Before Christmas 2010.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - The Click Five from Smart RichMedia on Vimeo.

My birthday itself was filled with a lot of good memories.

(1) 12:00am My bestfriends, Pia and Anya, greeted me on the dot. Apparently, their messages made me cry.

(2) I was also with my officemates, Kevin and John, who were kind enough to wait for my parent to pick me up at 1:30am. Tamang ghost stories lang ng birthday ko.

(3) Days before, I received a homemade cupcake from Cathy and a cup of my favorite Jollibee ice cream from Anjo. Pinatataba niyo ata ako e.

(4) On the way to the office, Papa led our morning prayer this time. I was teary-eyed. It's really different when someone you love sincerely prays for you.

(5) Lunch date with my favorite Kambal (Jeff and Jon), Mel and Hello Kitty at Shanghai Bistro. I didn't know Hello Kitty's Chinese. And new discovery, Jon doesn't like milk.

(6) I was reading this novel at Powerbooks. Girl asks guy why do God let things happen to us. Guy: "We cannot fully understand God's plan for us. But we just have to believe." - or was somewhat written that way. Then I saw a very pretty pink rose in front of what I was reading. I turned around and found Kirae. :)

Manila Ocean Park with Kirae. It was her first time, while it was my fourth. But even if I've been there every year, I was still as excited as her. And we had the most amazing tour atHotel H20. Curiosity does bring you to places. We were just exploring the whole place when we met Kuya Remus. Kuya Remus, the gym instructor, was kind enough to accommodate and tour us around. We even got the chance to see one of the rooms. The suite was amazing! More fish tanks and Foot spa. Ang sarap ng tawa ni Kirae sa Foot spa.

(7) "When you thank God for the suffering that come your way, they become blessings for you." - Homily at Greenbelt Chapel

(8) Dinner at Dulcinea Greenbelt 5 (1?) with Andrew and Kirae. I love this couple. They're so cute!

(9) Prayer meeting and second dinner with Lingkod at McDo, E.Rod.

(10) 300+ greetings on FB from grade school, high school, college, BLD youth, family and friends!!! Tried thanking everyone who greeted me. Ang hirap pala. Some of the messages even made my heart skip a beat.

(11) Day after, bonding with College barkada (Anya, Drew and Ela). They surprised me by treating me to movie. Akala ko Despicable Me, yun pala Phobia 2. Disclaimer: I'm a scaredy cat so I left in the middle of the movie. I hated them for that but I'm happy we got to talk over coffee. Dinner at Teriyaki Boy.

Thank you, Annie, for the Chocolate Caramel Cake from Cravings. Thank you for introducing Bruno Mars to me. And yes, Drew, I missed receiving chocolates. Thank you for the huge Toblerone. Hindi ko parin ubos.

(12) Overnight with Little Ms. Artist. Thank you, darling for bearing with me. I love your artwork. Next time, portrait ko na ah! And if I'm more confident with my body, pag-isipan ko ang semi-nude. (As if that's going to happen!)

"What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what will you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your and what amazes with joy and gratitude. Fall in love. Stay in love, and it will decide everything." - Fr. Arrupe, SJ

Love. Parents celebrated their 30th Wedding anniversary last September 20. Even though I lost faith in that area already, I still thank God for blessing people with this kind of union. I can truly attest that they're still very much in love with each other. Aren't they the cutest? (I know a lot of the BLDYouth members love them.)

"Ang sarap maging Atenista!"

Victory. Watched the finals (fourth quarter 8 minutes on the clock) together with some Atenean-Chinabankers at Commons. (Though I only knew two from the group, Abu and Rhon.) Nonetheless, closing my birth month with a victory was definitely sweet!!! Congratulations, Ateneo Blue Eagles 2010!

"Smiles are the languages of love."

Smile. Have I told you? It's been a while since I smiled this much. I think I did. I'd like to think that God gave me my miracle because I'm happy right now. I just hope that this isn't fleeting. And when I'm more stable, I want to share my smile to others.

Smiling, Rica Gran

PS. Will post more pictures next time.

Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated. It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoings but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

A passage from the Bible that has never failed to touch the hearts of many. It describes how a perfect love should be. Used as one of the readings during weddings, I too had my own share of attachment to this verse.

~*~
When I had my 18th birthday, I gave around 100 teddy bears to my guests and named each bear myself. Attached to a bear were 2 small cards:

First card: Rica Flores' 18th Birthday, September 15, 2007 Valle Verde VI Clubhouse ~*~ Thank you for adopting me. My name is Lutfi (name) which means Sweet (meaning).
Second card: "Love BEARS all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails." 1 Corinthian 13:7-8

HINT: Notice the word in bold to get what I mean.
~*~

After all that had happened to me for the past eight months, it took me forever to open my bible again. Just the thought of unzipping its leather cover made me nervous. I knew that when I see the tabs I made on my favorite verses, memories both good and bad will be revived again.

I loved this passage ever since I first read it. I fell in love with it and has always deemed it as the perfect love I wanted to have and give. I thought I was ready to give it already. A letter I received 801 days ago, has never left pages 1296 and 1297 ever since. Though I did not read the letter, I found myself reading the passage again and again and again til tears flowed through my eyes. As I was reading through it, I changed all Love and it to a person's name.First was Jesus, then Papa, then Mama, then my siblings. I continued by changing it with my friends' names, my support group, him and finally Rica.

Changing it to Rica was difficult, for I know, I am not any of the traits mentioned. But I tried reading it again with my name. It never changed the fact but this time I felt empowered. I know I have failed in doing these things, yet now I am even more determined to live by it. I know little by little God will help me.

I thought that perfect love is something that does not or should not hurt, but I was wrong.Love is never perfect. It also entails pain. It is in loving that we actually feel pain. One hurts because he/she has truly loved. But it does not end there. It is also in pain that you find love amidst everything. A Love far greater and beyond all human love. A love that is overwhelming you can't seem to escape. A love that does not demand anything in return. A love that is perfect.

"Let me love you this time around." - God

You are more than enough for me, Lord.

a little prayer

I pray for your safety and most importantly happiness in all aspects of your life. Amen.

You never left my prayers. In my heart forever.

Love is Wisdom

Wisdom - Introduction from State Library of New South Wales on Vimeo.

Project 14, 15, 16 and 17 (part 2)

On Family and Friends

Enchanted Kingdom
Thanks to Marga, my fellow graduate, for treating us to Enchanted Kingdom. Though there were only four of us, we were able to enjoy at the same time, face our fears, especially for our baby Louise. Thank God the queues were not long. In the span of 5 hours, we got to ride flying fiesta, rio grande and anchor's away twice and thrice for log jam. Bonding with these girls is love.

Marga, Chinny, Zombie, Louise and Me

Antipolo Overnight
Does living with 2 girls and 1 gay friend appeal to you? I had the chance to experience it with my closest friends in college. Just a little background, our "eccentric group" was formed way back in first year, thanks to our English-Lit class for two semesters. Why eccentric? Well if you try to assess us individually, you'd realize that all four of us have totally different personalities. Even I can't explain the dynamics of our relationship. Nevertheless, Rica loves them so much.

Overnight at St. Gabriel, Avidaland, nightswimming at Loreland and breakfast at Katipunan.
Canyonwoods

I love that place, feels like I'm in a different country. Even if the use of their facilities was very expensive, I still want to go back there. Thanks to the beautiful houses there, I now have a clear picture of my dreamhouse.

Hello boys! ang kukulit niyo talaga.

Project 14, 15, 16, and 17 (part 1)

Hello little-library! I'm really sorry for not updating you for the past few weeks. I've been busy looking for work and at the same time enjoying the company of my family and friends.

ON WORK

Like what I mentioned in my previous post, I was just pressured to look for a job because almost all of my friends are either employed or are looking for work. Not to mention, my family's also pushing me to do the same. And so for the past 6 weeks, I always had at least 2 interview/test. Going to different building was tiring especially because of the heat. I had to bring an extra pair of shoes because of the inconvenience of walking around in heels.

*In one of these companies, I failed their analyst exam. Para akong nag-ACET ulit. hahaha! I didn't want to pursue the other because of the 3-year bond contract. And for the other one, I just tried but have no plans of working there.

Third week of April, I was disheartened already because I still didn't have any callbacks from the companies after finishing the whole application process. What makes it more frustrating is that that the position I'm applying for or being offered is only open to one (except for two companies). I feel so pressured given the fact that you're not the only applicant and you have to outdo at least 15 applicants for that position.
Most of my batchmates have work already and even envy those who really got their dream job. I'm aware of my weakness during interviews and so I tried to be more confident with myself. It really makes sense hat if you do not believe in what you can do, there's no reason for others to believe in you as well. Also trust the Lord that he will bless you, and truly you will be blessed. Everything I have and am, I owe it to the Lord who never fails me. And just last Tuesday I received my first job offer then yesterday my second. Optimistically, waiting for the third offer.*crossed finger*
The dilemma I'm now facing is which will I choose. I've been considering the two offers and tried enumerating the benefits and and disadvantages of both companies. Much as I want to take the second offer, my parents keep on insisting to get the first one. My main concern would have to be the nature of work. I'm really excited with what the second company can offer me but my parents are afraid of taking so much risk because the company is only in it's 3rd year.
It ins't really about me being indecisive when it comes to things but I just don't want to disregard the feelings of those around me.

BIG QUESTION: Will you follow your heart or sacrifice your own happiness* for the happiness of your loved ones?
*still unsure whether it will bring you real happiness.

Will-surely-be-employed-soon ~Rica Gran