Sweet November (part 1)

It was more of a bittersweet November. There were a lot of unexpected, painful and inevitable events that came. Yet at the end of the day, it's about learning from everything that has happened and just trying to find the good behind it.

Keep in shape (for the first time). It was just after the whole Dancing Diva class that I realized how much I miss dancing. Even though "Dancing Diva" wasn't really my and Jill's (ballerina) forte when it comes to dancing, we really enjoyed ourselves. Going beyond the normal. But I give credit to Pia since it was her idea of taking lessons.It's about her doing something she has long been wanting to try. Stage-bestfriend na siguro ako, because I'm so proud of her after watching the video. Galing!!! Thank you, dancing divas. Ibang class naman sa susunod?

When was the last time you actually did something for the first time?

Spontaneity. Unplanned events are exciting! And sometimes they're the ones that last in one's memory. This would have to be one of those nights. Good food + Good and great people = Good Times! More of this, please!

BLD friends!

Reconnect with an old friend. My ishtarr and donut-buddy, one of the persons with whom I can easily share my stories with all emotions. Even though we rarely see and spend time with each other, the bond that we have is enough for us not to notice the time when we're apart. Love you, Ishtarr.

~ Sweet November, Rica Gran

will post the next installment of my Sweet November a week from now... hopefully.

Come and See

Youth Encounter #21.
October 22-24, 2010
BLD Covenant House, Cavite

Indeed, a very humbling experience. Ending 2 consecutive days with a "Good morning!" makes you a certified YE Addict. Good job YE#20, shepherd, facis and graduates!

Want to know more about the weekend?
(click on the pic for higher resolution. )

Come and See, Rica Gran

Dreams and Miracles

"The Lord blesses the dreams of His children. So dream your dreams little faithful dreamers. :)
I'm dreaming my dreams." tweeted this last November 8.

Dreams. Someone told me to just dream my dreams. And I did. But after, it broke my heart. Because I know that that dream will never come true. I was trying to understand why do people still encourage others to dream? Dreams are our futile attempts of making the impossible real. Dreams are bound to be dreams, nothing more. Or I guess I was trapped by my own concept of dream.

I attended Makati Feast on the first Thursday of October. At the end of the session, the first timers were gathered and was given this little Novemna to God's Love. Then inside, we were asked to write 7 of our dreams. They wanted us to be specific and that the dreams are time-bound, like find a job before the year ends. And also, we were reminded to dream big yet not to be arrogant with what we write. Dream something that seems impossible now but is possible to happen. It was that simple reminder that made me realize what I thought was a dream is actually an illusion, a fantasy. Because from the start I knew that my "dream" wasn't attainable. Dreams should never be equated to fantasies.

So now, I started dreaming my dreams. I mentioned earlier about my plans of putting up my own business. However, I need to move, work and look for resources (capital) for it to materialize.

Another dream of mine is to be a pre-school teacher. I love kids. Their innocence is a gift. And they're just plain cute even if they're annoying. I tried looking for a good school to enroll. In one of the schools, I was advised to enroll next summer since the second semester has already started. I took it as a sign because I'm having troubles with work (more on workload). Nevertheless, I'm excited! Especially since friends started calling me Teacher Rica. Does it suit me? I hope so. I'm praying for it to happen. I'm going to be a good teacher to the kids.

And if you have a dream? Don't be scared to share it. A new friend told me about the "Power of Tongue". It's the opposite of "jinx". Power of tongue works this way, let the whole world hear it and pray for you. Share your dreams. I'm willing to listen. :)

Miracle. How do you face another case of cancer in your family? The man behind the name, "Rica Gran", is currently sick. Tatay Makati (he lives in that city) or Lolo-Techy (a certified computer geek) has a tumor inside his tummy. Too much worrying didn't help me either. I got sick, hence, Mama stayed at home instead of being with him.

Lolo if you're reading this, I hate you for taking your health for granted. But for everything else, I love you. And this offsets the hate I feel towards you. I'm amazed at how strong you are in facing this. With your courage and happy disposition, you continue to inspire everyone around you. We'll always be here for you, no matter what. "Too much", please be well.

To everyone else, kindly include my lolo in your prayers. I pray also that the Lord may heal you from any forms of pain you are experiencing, may it be physically, emotionally and spiritually. Let the Almighty Healer touch and heal you.

~ dreaming to be healed, Rica Gran

99 Days Before Christmas

It's been a while since I smiled this much. I knew in my heart that my birth month was going to be beautiful. But truth be told, it was more than I expected it to be. (This is going to be a very long entry.)

Just like in every person's birthday, the celebrant gets to wish something for his/her birthday. I only had one wish... I want to be happy. But happiness won't come to me gift-wrapped and all, I have to work for it. I then staring re-assessing my current state. Why do I want to be happy? Am I not happy enough with what I have? Where should I start? What should I do? Who do I turn to? As you can I see I did a lot of questioning. Not all were directly answered but I knew I needed to do something. I needed to move.

"You may be currently in your valley of tears but do not make it your permanent residence." -Randy of Makati Feast

Move. I was stagnant for the past few months. I thought that I deserve where I was. Always looking behind and never to move forward. Or maybe it was more of scared to move forward. I knew I didn't want to let go of the things that gave meaning to my life. I didn't want to forget. But eventually, I figured that no one told me that I have to totally let go or forget about everything. My past is part of me but it does not mean I should stay there and let it define me. I can still grow as a person and in order to grow, I need to move.

(a) I finally opened my own time deposit account! Just now? It's because I actually have no idea where to invest my money. So even if it's just a TD account, I'm still proud of myself. If you know a good business where I can invest or seminars about stocks, trust or funds which I can attend, just let me know. PS. No pyramid scams please.

"When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality."- Dom Helder Camara

Dream. When you have a supportive family like mine, you can't help but get excited for your future as well. I've been very vocal to my parents about my business proposal way back in high school. Dreams aren't supposed to be dreams forever. And so I started telling them about my plans of putting up my own coffee shop. On our way home from work, Papa and I would discuss the essential things we need to consider for the business. It's good to have someone to remind you of reality when you're being to idealistic. Thanks, Papa.

(b) Parents and I went to the Food Expo last Sept 10. I'm so grateful they brought me there. It felt like I'm one step closer to my dreams. I had a plastic full of flyers, brochures with quotations of equipments, supplies and raw materials. I got so excited that I bought a binder and notebook for all my stuff. I haven't started fixing it though. But I promise to work on it before the month (October) ends.

Color. I've been getting comments that I always wear black or dark colors. I have reasons why I wear black all the time. Colored dresses attract a lot of attention. And my normal mood won't suit if I were pastel colors. And yet I got bothered after opening my closet, almost half of my clothes were either black, brown or gray.

(c) I did a bold move last August. I bought 3 colorful, floral dresses from this really nice boutique. I was like Mama's walking doll. Changing from one dress to another, God knows how tiring that was. So happy to have a mother who doesn't give up on me that easily.

21 years old at 99 Days Before Christmas 2010.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - The Click Five from Smart RichMedia on Vimeo.

My birthday itself was filled with a lot of good memories.

(1) 12:00am My bestfriends, Pia and Anya, greeted me on the dot. Apparently, their messages made me cry.

(2) I was also with my officemates, Kevin and John, who were kind enough to wait for my parent to pick me up at 1:30am. Tamang ghost stories lang ng birthday ko.

(3) Days before, I received a homemade cupcake from Cathy and a cup of my favorite Jollibee ice cream from Anjo. Pinatataba niyo ata ako e.

(4) On the way to the office, Papa led our morning prayer this time. I was teary-eyed. It's really different when someone you love sincerely prays for you.

(5) Lunch date with my favorite Kambal (Jeff and Jon), Mel and Hello Kitty at Shanghai Bistro. I didn't know Hello Kitty's Chinese. And new discovery, Jon doesn't like milk.

(6) I was reading this novel at Powerbooks. Girl asks guy why do God let things happen to us. Guy: "We cannot fully understand God's plan for us. But we just have to believe." - or was somewhat written that way. Then I saw a very pretty pink rose in front of what I was reading. I turned around and found Kirae. :)

Manila Ocean Park with Kirae. It was her first time, while it was my fourth. But even if I've been there every year, I was still as excited as her. And we had the most amazing tour atHotel H20. Curiosity does bring you to places. We were just exploring the whole place when we met Kuya Remus. Kuya Remus, the gym instructor, was kind enough to accommodate and tour us around. We even got the chance to see one of the rooms. The suite was amazing! More fish tanks and Foot spa. Ang sarap ng tawa ni Kirae sa Foot spa.

(7) "When you thank God for the suffering that come your way, they become blessings for you." - Homily at Greenbelt Chapel

(8) Dinner at Dulcinea Greenbelt 5 (1?) with Andrew and Kirae. I love this couple. They're so cute!

(9) Prayer meeting and second dinner with Lingkod at McDo, E.Rod.

(10) 300+ greetings on FB from grade school, high school, college, BLD youth, family and friends!!! Tried thanking everyone who greeted me. Ang hirap pala. Some of the messages even made my heart skip a beat.

(11) Day after, bonding with College barkada (Anya, Drew and Ela). They surprised me by treating me to movie. Akala ko Despicable Me, yun pala Phobia 2. Disclaimer: I'm a scaredy cat so I left in the middle of the movie. I hated them for that but I'm happy we got to talk over coffee. Dinner at Teriyaki Boy.

Thank you, Annie, for the Chocolate Caramel Cake from Cravings. Thank you for introducing Bruno Mars to me. And yes, Drew, I missed receiving chocolates. Thank you for the huge Toblerone. Hindi ko parin ubos.

(12) Overnight with Little Ms. Artist. Thank you, darling for bearing with me. I love your artwork. Next time, portrait ko na ah! And if I'm more confident with my body, pag-isipan ko ang semi-nude. (As if that's going to happen!)

"What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what will you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your and what amazes with joy and gratitude. Fall in love. Stay in love, and it will decide everything." - Fr. Arrupe, SJ

Love. Parents celebrated their 30th Wedding anniversary last September 20. Even though I lost faith in that area already, I still thank God for blessing people with this kind of union. I can truly attest that they're still very much in love with each other. Aren't they the cutest? (I know a lot of the BLDYouth members love them.)

"Ang sarap maging Atenista!"

Victory. Watched the finals (fourth quarter 8 minutes on the clock) together with some Atenean-Chinabankers at Commons. (Though I only knew two from the group, Abu and Rhon.) Nonetheless, closing my birth month with a victory was definitely sweet!!! Congratulations, Ateneo Blue Eagles 2010!

"Smiles are the languages of love."

Smile. Have I told you? It's been a while since I smiled this much. I think I did. I'd like to think that God gave me my miracle because I'm happy right now. I just hope that this isn't fleeting. And when I'm more stable, I want to share my smile to others.

Smiling, Rica Gran

PS. Will post more pictures next time.

Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated. It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoings but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

A passage from the Bible that has never failed to touch the hearts of many. It describes how a perfect love should be. Used as one of the readings during weddings, I too had my own share of attachment to this verse.

~*~
When I had my 18th birthday, I gave around 100 teddy bears to my guests and named each bear myself. Attached to a bear were 2 small cards:

First card: Rica Flores' 18th Birthday, September 15, 2007 Valle Verde VI Clubhouse ~*~ Thank you for adopting me. My name is Lutfi (name) which means Sweet (meaning).
Second card: "Love BEARS all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never fails." 1 Corinthian 13:7-8

HINT: Notice the word in bold to get what I mean.
~*~

After all that had happened to me for the past eight months, it took me forever to open my bible again. Just the thought of unzipping its leather cover made me nervous. I knew that when I see the tabs I made on my favorite verses, memories both good and bad will be revived again.

I loved this passage ever since I first read it. I fell in love with it and has always deemed it as the perfect love I wanted to have and give. I thought I was ready to give it already. A letter I received 801 days ago, has never left pages 1296 and 1297 ever since. Though I did not read the letter, I found myself reading the passage again and again and again til tears flowed through my eyes. As I was reading through it, I changed all Love and it to a person's name.First was Jesus, then Papa, then Mama, then my siblings. I continued by changing it with my friends' names, my support group, him and finally Rica.

Changing it to Rica was difficult, for I know, I am not any of the traits mentioned. But I tried reading it again with my name. It never changed the fact but this time I felt empowered. I know I have failed in doing these things, yet now I am even more determined to live by it. I know little by little God will help me.

I thought that perfect love is something that does not or should not hurt, but I was wrong.Love is never perfect. It also entails pain. It is in loving that we actually feel pain. One hurts because he/she has truly loved. But it does not end there. It is also in pain that you find love amidst everything. A Love far greater and beyond all human love. A love that is overwhelming you can't seem to escape. A love that does not demand anything in return. A love that is perfect.

"Let me love you this time around." - God

You are more than enough for me, Lord.

a little prayer

I pray for your safety and most importantly happiness in all aspects of your life. Amen.

You never left my prayers. In my heart forever.

Love is Wisdom

Wisdom - Introduction from State Library of New South Wales on Vimeo.

Project 14, 15, 16 and 17 (part 2)

On Family and Friends

Enchanted Kingdom
Thanks to Marga, my fellow graduate, for treating us to Enchanted Kingdom. Though there were only four of us, we were able to enjoy at the same time, face our fears, especially for our baby Louise. Thank God the queues were not long. In the span of 5 hours, we got to ride flying fiesta, rio grande and anchor's away twice and thrice for log jam. Bonding with these girls is love.

Marga, Chinny, Zombie, Louise and Me

Antipolo Overnight
Does living with 2 girls and 1 gay friend appeal to you? I had the chance to experience it with my closest friends in college. Just a little background, our "eccentric group" was formed way back in first year, thanks to our English-Lit class for two semesters. Why eccentric? Well if you try to assess us individually, you'd realize that all four of us have totally different personalities. Even I can't explain the dynamics of our relationship. Nevertheless, Rica loves them so much.

Overnight at St. Gabriel, Avidaland, nightswimming at Loreland and breakfast at Katipunan.
Canyonwoods

I love that place, feels like I'm in a different country. Even if the use of their facilities was very expensive, I still want to go back there. Thanks to the beautiful houses there, I now have a clear picture of my dreamhouse.

Hello boys! ang kukulit niyo talaga.

Project 14, 15, 16, and 17 (part 1)

Hello little-library! I'm really sorry for not updating you for the past few weeks. I've been busy looking for work and at the same time enjoying the company of my family and friends.

ON WORK

Like what I mentioned in my previous post, I was just pressured to look for a job because almost all of my friends are either employed or are looking for work. Not to mention, my family's also pushing me to do the same. And so for the past 6 weeks, I always had at least 2 interview/test. Going to different building was tiring especially because of the heat. I had to bring an extra pair of shoes because of the inconvenience of walking around in heels.

*In one of these companies, I failed their analyst exam. Para akong nag-ACET ulit. hahaha! I didn't want to pursue the other because of the 3-year bond contract. And for the other one, I just tried but have no plans of working there.

Third week of April, I was disheartened already because I still didn't have any callbacks from the companies after finishing the whole application process. What makes it more frustrating is that that the position I'm applying for or being offered is only open to one (except for two companies). I feel so pressured given the fact that you're not the only applicant and you have to outdo at least 15 applicants for that position.
Most of my batchmates have work already and even envy those who really got their dream job. I'm aware of my weakness during interviews and so I tried to be more confident with myself. It really makes sense hat if you do not believe in what you can do, there's no reason for others to believe in you as well. Also trust the Lord that he will bless you, and truly you will be blessed. Everything I have and am, I owe it to the Lord who never fails me. And just last Tuesday I received my first job offer then yesterday my second. Optimistically, waiting for the third offer.*crossed finger*
The dilemma I'm now facing is which will I choose. I've been considering the two offers and tried enumerating the benefits and and disadvantages of both companies. Much as I want to take the second offer, my parents keep on insisting to get the first one. My main concern would have to be the nature of work. I'm really excited with what the second company can offer me but my parents are afraid of taking so much risk because the company is only in it's 3rd year.
It ins't really about me being indecisive when it comes to things but I just don't want to disregard the feelings of those around me.

BIG QUESTION: Will you follow your heart or sacrifice your own happiness* for the happiness of your loved ones?
*still unsure whether it will bring you real happiness.

Will-surely-be-employed-soon ~Rica Gran

Project 13

Desperate

Monday right after our graduation, Drew and I braved the busy streets of Makati in the hope of getting a decent job by knocking at the doors of different companies. I became Drew's navigator since he wanted to apply in different five-star hotels and companies. We started our desperate journey in Intercon Hotel at 9am. Confident we were, we entered the building via main entrance. But after talking to the receptionist, we found ourselves walking towards the back entrance since the HR dept was located there. After an hour, we were able to give out resumes in 4 five-star hotels. At this rate, we thought that we'll be able to visit and give out resumes to a lot of companies. But at 11am, we gave up already. :P

Drew and I at Tower One

Among all the buildings that we visited along Ayala Ave., LKG Tower would have to be the most memorable one. Since we were determined to apply in different companies, we pressed random floors in the elevator. Drew and I would check on every stop whether we like the company on that floor or not. I'm not sure how many stops there were, but it sure was fun poking our heads out of the elevator then after some seconds go inside again.

It did feel a bit nostalgic because I was doing the same routine I had when I was still an intern in one of the largest telecommunications in the country last summer. Even when we applied in Rustan's at Oppen Bldg., memories of BLD youth in my younger years lingered.

Holy Week
Our family had our visita iglesia in different towns of Batangas. The traffic wasn't as bad as I thought it to be, since last year it took us almost 4 hours on the road from Laguna back to Manila. My favorite Church would have to be the one in Taal. And I think I fell in love with Taal already. Such a small and peaceful town, I wanted to stay there for a week or two just to relax and discover the rural life.

unemployed ~Rica Gran

Project 12

Ateneo de Manila University 2010.
Thank you for teaching me a lot of things! You taught me well.

To my wonderful parents, words aren't enough to express my love for you. Thank you for supporting me all the way. I love how you show your affection to me through hugs and kisses. Even if you're alway busy, thank you for making time for us and for being my 24/7, always-on-call support. Forgive me if I disappoint you. But know, I'm also grateful for the times you reprimand and correct my mistakes for you only want the best for me. Thank you for spoiling me (I know, sending a child to Ateneo is no joke.) and I promise to be thrifty when I start earning my own money. Thank you and I'm more than blessed to have you in my life. I love you both!

Graduation dinner at Tatami, Serendra. I never imagined myself liking Japanese food.

Three generations. (gandang Lola according to Drew) Nanay, me and mama.

The great mind behind the name "Rica Gran". I love you , "too-much". Stop drinking, okay?

Farewell, Ateneo ~ Rica Gran

Project 10 and 11

It just dawned on me that I'm ending another chapter of my life soon. So for the past two weeks, all I did was to entertain all emotions and stress in my life. And as I got tired, I am trying to reject and remove from my system those which are not necessary and are of no use in the near future. Though the whole process is no joke, family and friends were always there to support and remind me that I am not alone. Lord, help me. Amen.

A recap of what happened to me for the past two weeks...

Week 10

Two of the dearest persons in my life celebrated their birthdays that week.

Second Year Second Sem. After-Class-Matteo-Up routine
March 8 - Happy Birthday, babe!

Thank you for everything. I hope you liked my gift. hihihi! Gamitin mo yan pag nasa office ka na. Don't worry, things will go well. Hope for the best and I'm always praying for you. I love you and God bless.

PS. Straight na ulit hair mo!

March 10 - Happy Birthday, sister!

You're the best sister ever. Kasi nga naman, nag-iisa ka lang. I'm very proud of you. Finally, may work ka na. Do well and kayang-kaya mo yan. Thank you for always being there for me and for constantly praying for me. I'm praying for you as well. Na pressure na ako magkaroon ng work kasi meron ka na. :P I love you and God bless.

Pasta Party
Thank you Thirdy, Andrei, Angelo, Lloyd, TJ, Franz, Quin, Brian and Janelle for coming. I hope you liked the food I prepared. Solid lang talaga ng charades and pictionary. Next time ulit?

First Time to make Cannelloni.

Sobrang kulit ng boys.

Week 11

Looking for work
Because all of my friends were looking for work that time, I was somehow pressured to do the same. And so I opened accounts in Jobstreet and JobsDB. While browsing through the sites, I realized that there are a lot of job openings in the market. However, the positions being offered do not necessarily suit me. It's either I do not like the job or my educational background does not match the job. Talk about mismatch of job offers and job seekers (structural unemployment).

Anyhow, I'm still considering of taking Accounting for my second course. Yet a lot of people kept on telling me to take MBA instead. To work or to study?

Graduation preparation
Mama gave me a very nice pair of shoes. I needed to buy black shoes for my graduation. Since my last pair of black pump shoes was back in High school (We were required to wear heels for the last 3 months of our Senior year.), I asked Mama if I can get another one.

Aren't they pretty?

Graduation, here I come ~ Rica Gran

Breaking my silence

I never said anything against you, I just kept silent because I have nothing to say. I only did one thing; I deleted you in FB. Not because I wanted to get even, but what you've been doing to me is too much to handle. I'm doing myself a favor and that is sparing myself from hearing all those comments.

And if you think I asked my friends to do things for me, I'm sorry but no. I have no intentions of fighting back nor involve anyone who's not part of the issue. The first and last thing that they did was that one FB conversation. They did not want to start any fight but only wanted to end what you guys have been doing for the past 2 months. Thankfully, it stopped. Yet now I'm hearing a new issue which I am clueless of. Please note that not everything that is happening to you has something to do with me. And I am not the only case you have to consider for everthing that has been happening to you.

My world does not revolve around you so stop accusing me and my friends. They really don't care about you but only care for my own welfare. Which means they stopped already when you guys stopped doing things to me. I'm mad but not to the point of disrespecting any of you. Sorry but I never wished you bad. I only want the best for everyone. But for now, one thing's for sure, I stopped caring so just let me be at peace.

Project 9

Finals
Monday that week was my last day of Finals. I submitted my last paper and had my last oral exam! After everything, Angelo and I watched Miss You Like Crazy at Trinoma. I didn't like the plot and I found it dragging in the middle of the movie. Nevertheless, Bea and John Lloyd look good together. :P

Thesis
Tuesday was Thesis day with Anya (and Ray). We went to UP for the printing and binding of our thesis. While waiting, we had lunch at Chocolate Kiss. Congratulations to us, Annie, We're finally done!

*BIG SMILES*

Clearance week
I started last Tuesday right after we submitted our Thesis, then finished everything last Thursday. Kamusta naman ang pabalik-balik! You'll see in the faces of those people waiting in line, how annoyed they were. Good thing Angelo was there to accompany me. After we submitted our clearance, we ate out with Rissa since Angelo was craving for Kare-Kare. We were supposed to eat at Barrio Fiesta, but ended eating at Lydia's Lechon. We ate Kare-kare, Lechon, Lechong Paksiw and Bituka. Someone wasn't satisfied with all that food so he insisted on having desert at Icebergs. I think I gained 10 pounds after. Thank you Rissa and Angelo. Sa uulitin. :D

Grades
Thank you Lord for a wonderful surprise. My QPI for this semester is 3.5, my highest QPI ever. I didn't expect it. Happy Mode!

Feeling Fat and Happy - Rica Gran

Project 6,7,8

Since I've been uber busy for the past 3 weeks because of finals, thesis and the like, i'll let the pictures do the talking except for Week 6. Week 6 was full of drama for me. hahaha! :D

Week 7

Post-Valentine's Gift. You make me smile! Thank you.

I love both of them. hihihihi!

Nanay's 90th birthday! Complete family picture.

Week 8

Happy Birthday Lolo Nes. Family Bonding again!

at Sonya's Garden

Yogurt Yogurt!

TOSH with Drew and Rissa

Loved

Have you ever felt so embarrassed and ashamed to the point that the only thing you want to do is to just disappear? And any form of goodness is something you cannot bear accepting. Yet despite this feeling of unworthiness, you still find yourself in the midst of the people who continue to love you.

This is what I'm experiencing right now, an unconditional love that is too surreal to believe.

I acknowledge that I am only human. Causing people pain was, is and will never be my intention because I, for one, have experienced getting hurt. But as much as I try not to hurt or disappoint anyone, I always end up doing so. Just the mere thought of being found out scares me. What if they won't understand and instead despise me even more? Thus, my way of coping is to just keep it to myself than to hurt other people. And the fact that I hurt people cause me greater pain especially if they are those people who I really love.

A guilty and regretful heart is never enough to compensate for all the wrongdoing. And if Karma's revenge is to let me feel double the pain, there is nothing I can do but to concede to it. Even if my mind wants to fight back, I just hold back and do nothing. This, in a way, is how I thought would fix things.

But I underestimate that unconditional love my God has for me. Friends and family never left my side. Disappointed? Yes. But despite the fact that I've hurt them, I cannot understand why they continue to love and care for someone like me. As I continue to deny them thinking that I don't deserve any of that love they're giving me, the more these people show in their small gestures that I am forgiven and will never be alone. They saw me at my worst. Home visits and phone calls were a regular thing, just to make sure I was okay. They took me to places where the only things which overflowed were laughter and good food. Simple notes, prayers and text messages to remind me that everything is going to be fine. All of these things made me realize how blessed I really am. I was preoccupied with myself that I have already forgotten all about these wonderful things.

"Find in your heart to forgive yourself." This was a big challenge to me. I was too hard on myself, but by doing this I somehow disregard the feelings of those people who never left my side. It was a time for me to let go and continue with my life. This is what I am doing right now. Little by little, I am releasing myself from all the hurts. A the same time, I receive with arms wide open all the love and support I can get from my family and friends.

I feel blessed to have my family and friends. I have a family who loves and cares for me, who listens to what I say and don't want to say, and who is willing to fight for me even if I did not ask anything from them. I have my friends who know what my strengths and weaknesses are, who give me a good dose of both love and tough love,who know the difference between enough and too much, and who are smart enough to know what is right from not.

To all these amazing people,
Please forgive me for all the pain I caused you and for taking you for granted.
Thank you for the love and care that you unconditionally gave me.
Bear in mind that I'm here for you as well, and I love you.

When was the last time you felt loved?

in-love ~ Rica Gran

P.S. I, personally, hate fights. Think whatever you want, but I seriously never wished anyone terrible. Nor did I wish anyone to experience what I've been going through. And if you happen to find yourself in the same situation sooner or later, find strength in God and the people you love. I hope you have an amazing and wonderful family and friends like mine. :D

Project 05

Week 05 was special. Nothing grandiose but just a few new and exciting things happened to me. I have no intentions of sharing anything to you but for one.

A.R.A.
ARA stands for Angel, Rica and Anya. I know, this sounds so high school! And I'm a bit disturbed because I like it. Hahaha! I enjoyed my afternoon date with these girls. Thank you for making our little get-together possible. I love you both.

Pictures were taken last Oct 2008 inside my room.

PS. We miss you, Dane.

2 weeks left ~ Rica Gran

Confused

But it's harder to decide if you're too hurt to hold on,
yet too in love to let go.

Lord, help me.

Confused ~ Rica Gran

Project 04

I would have to say that this week was a week overflowing with love. :)

Kythe Week

I promoted this here in my blog before. And i have to say that this project was a success. The event was held at the Colayco Pavillion. It had 4 booths. The photo competition booth gave free Hansels to those who voted. They also had a free photobooth. I love the placards and Kapitan Kimo. Written on the placards were "I cancervive.", "I dream of a world where Cancer is just a zodiac sign." and "Cancel Cancer." The third booth, where I spent most of my spare time, was called the Toy Workshop. Here, we made drums, maracas and toy cars to be given out to the Kythe kids. And the last booth was the blood drive booth. I'm so happy that I got Mico to donate blood (it was his first time.) and participate in the activities. He's lucky because the Kythe Week team were giving away a set of coloredpens to those who were able to go through all the booths. I wonder if he gave it to Berna. :D

Mico's "kumakandidato" pose. Good job Mr. Lifesaver.

Kythe Picnic
I can honestly say that I enjoyed our picnic. Everyone was willing to participate in the games. Angelo's chinese garter exhibition would have to be one of the highlights of that event. I also enjoyed the jamming sessions. I'm in love with Janelle's sweet voice. hihihi. One of the songs sung during the event was a song that has a special place in my heart, it was sung during the invocation.



Kythe Flying

I wasn't able to help during the set up since I had recollection that morning. But by 1:00pm, everything was already fixed and we were just waiting for the kids to come. We commenced the event with a Eucharistic celebration. Everyone was filled with the yummy Binalot (except for me and Adrianna). There were also free ice cream and cotton candy. The kids enjoyed the skit prepared by Kythe members. The parents were also able to relax and enjoy, thanks to the free massage by the blind people.

UBE Firetruck was there to give everyone a ride around the Belfield.

Not to mention, Marc Nelson came! Everyone wants to be close to him.

with Adrianna, and cute boy John Cena.

Congrats Mia and Angelo!

I salute your core team as well! You guys were amazing. :D

Immersion Recollection
I kept all of these in my heart.

• "We all have a share of poverty in our lives. We're just scared to admit it." - Recollection Master on poverty

• "The call for us is not only to step out of our comfort zone but to expand the territories of our comfort zone." - Ma'am Rina on our immersion experience

• "There are two types of love. The first kind of love is you love because you derive happiness in that person. The second kind of love is benevolence. You give love because you want to and you give it without asking for anything in return."; "Ask the Lord to give you the grace to forgive them." - Father on love and forgiveness

Send-off Dinner
Baby Eli will be leaving us sooner than we thought. But before their whole family leaves for the states, we gave a send-off dinner at Zhu, Fort Bonifacio. We also went to Venetian Mall at Mckinley Hill. Sayang, we weren't complete. Nevertheless, every moment spent with them is priceless.

First Draft
We were able to pass it on time! Good job to us Annie.

St. Scholastica LSS#16
I read the second reading for that day. Overrated but still one of my favorite readings.

1 Corinthians 13

loved ~ Rica Gran

Random Tumblr

I don't have any plans of joining the bandwagon; however, I still enjoy following the tumblrs of my friends. Originally, the top right picture does not have any text when I got it from my Maja's tumblr.

Project 03

A super late update.

Week 3 was an uneventful week for me. Nothing extraordinary happened aside from the fact that I lost my phone for the -nth time. I'm so dismayed that day because I can't leave the house in time for my class since my brother wasn't home yet from work. I blame him why I lost my phone that day. He wasn't answering my calls and messages. So I opted to bring the keys to my grandparents house. While walking along our street, I remembered texting him where to get the keys. A few minutes after riding a cab, I realized that my phone was missing. I'm so disappointed with myself. Good thing I still have my Globe phone with me. So if you need anything, you may contact me through my Globe number. Will get a new phone by Wednesday for my Sun sim. I'll be using the same number so don't delete it in your phonebooks.

JOB FAIR

That week was also the university's Job Fair week. Even though I plan to study again after graduation, I still submitted my resume to some of the companies. The Placement Office also provided a soft copy of our graduation pictures so that we can use it in our resumes. One word to describe my grad pic, Fail! Annie and I weren't really satisfied with our pictures. Oh well! But aside from being busy with the job fair, Annie and I applied for our SSS numbers. Talk about express lane! Thank you Placement Office. I remember Kuya inviting me last sembreak to apply for my SSS number with him. I said yes but I totally forgot about it. I'm not even sure if he got his ID already.

COMPLIMENT?
I got innumerable yet the same comment that week from my family, friends and acquaintances. Ang payat mo! (You look thin!) I admit that I had problems with my eating habits. Well it started way back during Christmas break, but it got worse when classes resumed. My regular weight is 100lbs. End of Christmas break, I was 95 lbs. And just this week, my weight's 92lbs. I didn't expect my weight lost to manifest this soon. But not to worry, I started eating again this week. Hence, no more flat tummy for me.

THE BIG DAY!
I've been mentioning about this in my previous entries. It was my Lolo and Lola's BIG DAY! They celebrated their 75th Birthday (not anniversary) together. It was held at Makati Park last January 23. A total of 250 guests! All the ladies were pretty in their cocktail dresses while the gentlemen looked dashing in their barongs. I'll soon upload the pictures and videos or our presentations that day. One is my duet with Marga; the other is my family's dance number.

Baby Eli sporting a barong. He was extra adorable that night.

~*~

Jan 23 shout out!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRAE! I love you, girlfriend.

~*~

Starts-eating-again ~ Rica Gran

Kythe Week 2010

"Healing through simple sharing and togetherness."
This is what Kythe is all about.


You can visit our booths and exhibit at the Colayco Pavillion starting January 25-29.
Vote for your favorite picture in our Photo Competition-Exhibit.
Have your picture taken in our photo booth.
Help us in making toys to be given to the cancer patients.
And be a LIFE SAVER by donating blood in our Blood Drive.

We will be having our Food Sale at LS Promenade. Do buy from World of Wieners, The Comfy Cup and Filibits. 5% of their earnings will go to Kythe's Advocacy Team.




But wait! There's more.

Everyone is invited to join us as we end this week with a bang!
What can you do? Be an ate/kuya for a day to our Kythe Kids. What to expect? Fun booths, Storytelling, Flying of Kites, Great Food, and UBE Fire Truck. See you there!

PS. You will never regret spending one afternoon with these Kids. Their smiles are simply priceless.

PSS. Good luck and Cograts in advance, Angelo and Mia.

Will Fly ~ Rica Gran

Project 02

Week 2 wasn't as crazy as my first week. I had a handful but manageable things-to-do under my checklist for this week. Thank God. Though I wasn't spared from all the drama, at least I got a healthy dose of it. I smiled more that I cried. Yey!!!

Thesis and my Thesis Partner
We have less that two weeks to finish our first draft and our Chapter 3-5 is still non-existent. Miracles do happen, right? Will get through this, I just know.

Photobooth with Annie

This is Annie, one of my best girl pals and my thesis partner. It's actually good to have a partner (who's different from you) to balance out everything that is unstable about you.
I talk a lot, she talks a lot more (kidding). She's very pretty... wait, I'm pretty as well. :P I'm unorganized and a certified crammer, she's little miss OC who also crams like me! With all these differences we have, one thing's definite, I super duper love her.
My aunt posted this on her FB account, "A good antidote to denial is to go to a safe and truthful friend who knows your situation."
Thank you for being my reality-checker and for just always being there for me. Thank you also for going to NSO the other day to collect data for our thesis. I love you supergirl!

Family
It's been a while since I last ate dinner together with my parents. I always eat alone. It was never an issue on my part since I know that we all have things to do on our own. However, I do look forward to eating dinner with the whole family. And just last Thursday night, after shopping for the January 23 party, Mama asked Papa to treat us to dinner. I can't recall the stories why we were all laughing hard. What I do know is that I'm really happy I got to spend quality time with them. I love you Mama and Papa! Let's do this more often, please. :)

Thank you Mama Gel for praying for me. I know that you never stopped caring especially when you heard about the news. I really appreciate it. Stay pretty and I love you!

Mama Gel, me and Mama Risa

Unisan
- FGDs are draining.
- My foster family is really nice.
- Walking along the beach is fun when low tide.
- I now know how to throw stones on water.
- I'm learning to appreciate long bus trips - escapism.
- I shall go back to Unisan, alone! If you want to come, just tell me. :D

Friends
I started accepting all the love I can get from my friends who sincerely love me. Sorry for pushing you away and thank you for just being there for me. :)

To you (whoever you are), I rarely fight back when people do me wrong. But it's different when you start attacking my friends. I used to care about you, but not anymore. Get a life!


Waiting for a miracle ~ Rica Gran